


(Building a) Perfect Family

by GabWhiteDevil



Series: Perfect Family Series [5]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Additional Warnings Apply, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arranged Marriage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Miscarriage, Mpreg, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Triggers, a lots of crying, bad hyunwoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-14
Updated: 2017-03-13
Packaged: 2018-09-24 10:19:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9718088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GabWhiteDevil/pseuds/GabWhiteDevil
Summary: “I’m sorry if I don’t meet your expectation, being an ordinary guy I am. I don’t know what make you hate me so much when all I wanted was only to help.”“I never hate you, Kihyun. But the moment you agreed to be my spouse, I’m starting to hate you.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> LET ME JUST LEAVE THIS HERE AND BE INACTIVE TILL NEXT WEEK :3  
> this is unedited, sorry for mistakes you'll found later. (_ _")

He knew about his status as a carrier. He know that he could get pregnant like females. He always make sure to protect himself extra. No, he wasn’t considered as disappointment to his family. He studied hard, always aims for the best, even though he knew that his parents were worried about his happiness.

But, never once crossed in his mind that his parents would arranged a marriage for him. He almost had a heart attack. Thinking about living with a total stranger danced around his head.

“his name is Son Hyunwoo. He goes to the same college with you, also taking the same major.”

Of all people he befriended at college, why Hyunwoo? The upperclassman who’s always been distant to him. The perfect man any girl could wish for.

He really wanted to reject the offer, but he need to know the reason, “why? I mean, of all people you know, why Son Hyunwoo?”

“the company will need an heir after Hyunwoo and the only heir is him who despise women. So, Mr. Son asking for a favor since you could give him an heir.” His dad explained

_It counts as helping, right?_ “Kihyun, you know that you could refuse the offer, right?” Mrs. Yoo spoke, she gave him an option, but Kihyun know, it’s not really an option

_How bad it could be?_ “no, it’s okay. I accept the offer.”

_As long as I could give them an heir, it should be okay, right?_

\--^^--

The graduation party was short, the only close person he knew in college was Jinyoung, and now he was nowhere to be found. He decided to go home.

_“tomorrow, we will have a dinner with the Son family, please be home before 6”_ he remembered what his mom said, it’s not like he’s going somewhere.

So, tomorrow comes faster than he expected, he styled his hair, tousled but neat. He buttoned up his white shirt and wore the black tight pants, accentuated his thighs.

The ride to the restaurant feels like forever, Kihyun couldn’t stop fidgeting until they got into the restaurant. He stood behind his mom, eyes glued to the floor, finding that the tiles were more interesting than the whole situation.

“We are sorry for being late” Mr. Yoo spoke

“no, you were in time, we were just a bit early” Mr. Son replied

_Yeah, the usual bullshit_

The conversation and dinner went smoother than what Kihyun thought. Hyunwoo didn’t do anything rude either so, it went smooth. Let’s not talk about how Hyunwoo’s gaze towards him almost burn a hole to his head.

“what about both of you go and talk outside while we talk about the marriage” the most terrifying words finally came

Mrs. Yoo pat his knees softly, reassuring him that it would be fine. Kihyun couldn’t even gave a response, he was beyond nervous.

“alright” Hyunwoo agreed, he stood up and walked away, didn’t even bother waiting for the younger.

Startled, Kihyun quickly followed him to the balcony. When he found him, the older just stood stoicly and stared at the dark scenery in front of him. Kihyun stopped behind him, making sure he wasn’t that close, he didn’t want to make the older felt awkward at their first meeting.

The silence suffocated them, the ice prickling beneath their skin, the wall between them are getting thicker to the point that he probably couldn’t even heard what the other was saying, but that’s when he heard the deep voice once again.

“why did you agree?” the tone was calm, almost soothing, but the ice still there.

“appa told me the story, about the heir.” That wasn’t exactly the answer but the oldest got what he meant

“it also has something to do with my sexuality, hasn’t it?” Kihyun wanted to say ‘yes’ badly. “you know what? I never do relationship. Even if I like guys, I know my taste well”

_So this is how he say that he will cheat on me? and I’m being degraded on the first meeting?!_ “I’m sorry if I don’t meet your expectation, being an ordinary guy I am. I don’t know what make you hate me so much when all I wanted was only to help.” He was frustrated and he wanted to punch something but he also wanted to cry, “let’s just meet at the wedding. I don’t know if I could stand being degraded like this again” he turned his heels, ready to walk away when Hyunwoo casually replied

“I never hate you, Kihyun. But the moment you agreed to be my spouse, I’m starting to hate you.”

Kihyun left. Walking past both of the families and taking a cab back home.

_What’s wrong with helping people?_

\--^^--

Jinyoung was deeply concerned with the state of Kihyun right now, they graduated from the college almost a month ago, and he know about the marriage thing between Kihyun and Hyunwoo. In fact, he asked Jaebum about what kind of person Hyunwoo is, since his lover is a closest friend to the stoic guy.

But the things Jaebum said to him versus what he saw on Kihyun were really different. He always reassured Kihyun that probably that’s only the appearance and the older would grinned widely and say ‘I know. He is actually just like a teddy bear’ but whenever he was alone, his eyes dimmed, and his lips weren’t even curled up like usual.

\--^^--

The wedding somehow went smoothly, no rude accusations, no degrading comments, no drama, and Kihyun was really thankful for that. But the relief stopped as soon as they went to the bedroom.

Kihyun were thrown to the bed, harshly, his head bumped to the bed post which made him whimpered in pain. Just as he wanted to rub the sore spot, his wrists were pinned down and Hyunwoo sat on top of him, “I’m already your husband. It won’t counted as rape, will it?”

“Hyunwoo, no!” he was scared. This Hyunwoo was the same Hyunwoo he met the first time. Cold blooded. He trashed his legs, and squirmed, trying to break free from the grip. “No, please. I beg you.” He was crying.

The older yanked his pants off, “Hyunwoo, you are not in your right mind. Please, stop.”

“I’ll never be in my right mind anymore the moment you decided to be my spouse!” the older started to unbuckle his pants, and tore open the younger’s shirt, exposing the milky skin beneath the soft material. Chest heaved. Kihyun sobbed when he felt something hard nudged his entrance. _It shouldn’t be like this!_

And a piercing pain made him scream in agony. It’s not even sex anymore. If there was a word worse than rape, it is the right one. The night filled with screams and groans, even the moon up there could tell, it wasn’t a pleasant thing judging from the sounds.

It feels like forever, Kihyun almost thought that probably he already know what hell tasted like. By the time the older finished and disconnected with Kihyun’s body, the younger found himself didn’t even get hard through the whole process. His tears didn’t want to roll down anymore, it was hard to blink, he wondered how swollen his eyes became. Hyunwoo left him and went to the shower.

He couldn’t even move. It’s painful even to move his legs. He could feel a warm liquid ran down to his thigh, he cried even more. He touched the place that was burning, and brought back his fingers, it’s not only tainted with sperm but also blood. He covered himself with the comforter,

That night, he tired himself crying to sleep.

\--^^--

“Mr. Son, it’s time for breakfast” a maid knocked on the door.

 “come in”

Then the door opened, Kihyun gave her a tired smile, and mouthed ‘I almost lost my voice’. The maid gave him a gentle smile, “it’s okay. Why don’t you take a bath while I make the bed” she suggested

Kihyun, forced himself to sat up on the bed, but the lower part of his body seems disagree, he whimpered pitifully, “Mr. Son, are you alright?” the maid looked at the dried spot on the bed, the dried blood. She widened his eyes, “wait, let me call a doctor”

“please don’t tell anyone about this.”

“but, Mr. Son, you ble—”

“promise me?”

The maid nodded, “I promise”

\--^^--

Kihyun sat on the bed, a small bag of medicine were placed on the drawer, his eyes shook slightly when he saw Hyunwoo came, goosebumps decorating his skin. He gripped tightly onto the comforter. The older noticed the medicines that were scattered on the drawer but he didn’t question it.

“so today you just do nothing?” Hyunwoo asked, “you didn’t even bother to wear a shirt, what a whore”

Kihyun gathered up all the courage he had, head still hanging low, “was being married to me sounds really bad to you?” his voice were rough, not really clear and full of hurt. Hyunwoo didn’t reply

“Hyunwoo-ssi, I’ve made up my mind. After I give you an heir, we could get divorce and until then, I promise to not fighting against you when you want to have sex” he swallowed an invisible lump in his throat before continuing, “…but, please be gentler when you do it.” He inhaled deeply before finishing his words, “I’ll move to the guest room tonight. Don’t want to make everything worse than this.”

_This is definitely the worst decision ever._   



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Are you pregnant?!”  
> “I don’t know but I feel nauseated early in the morning, so, I just want to check”  
> “Oh my God! I hope you are! I’m so happy!”

\--^^--

Hyunwoo went out with Mr. Son since he wanted to introducing him to the company. So Kihyun stayed at home with the maid. “why would you move, Mr. Son?” the maid asked

“please call me Kihyun. I feel so distant when you call me like that” he smiled as he hung up some of his clothes in the closet

“alright, Kihyun..”

“by the way, what’s your name? can I call you ‘noona’?”

“sure. My name is Hyorin.” She moved the luggage closer to the closet, and unzipped it, “here, the last one”

“thank you, noona”

“you haven’t answer my question, though” she reminded, “why would you move to this room?”

“as you know, this is an arranged marriage”

“so you both didn’t want this?”

“I do want this—I mean, I’m okay with this, since they need someone to bear the heir and Hyunwoo-ssi prefer guys over girls, and I’m a carrier, so I’m willing to help, but seems like he hate this so much”

“you are a carrier?” Kihyun nodded, “you know, I’ve known Hyunwoo since he was still a kid, I’ve known him as a gentle guy”

“he only act like this towards me, I think. Everyone at college also thought the same with you, but I’m positive he’ll change later” the younger reassured. He closed the closet’s door and glanced at the clock, “I should make some dinner, it’s almost dinner time”

“leave it to me. You should take your medicine. The ointment.”

“but, I want to he—“

“Go. The faster you finish, the faster you could come to the kitchen”

\--^^--

Hyunwoo came home faster than before, he walked to his room and saw everything was already neat. There wasn’t any trace that he married someone yesterday.

Then his eyes caught something on the drawer. He quickly picked it up and read the words written on the bottle, “Rectal tearing, ointment, twice everyday” he frowned, it’s not his, obviously.

He took the bottle and went out from his room, he needs to ask why there was an ointment for rectal tearing on his drawer, “Oh Hyunwoo, already home?” _Just in time!_

Hyorin saw him on her way to the kitchen, he quickly followed her, “Ah, noona. I need to ask about this” he held up the bottle and didn’t miss the slight shock on the older’s face

“what is that?”

“Noona, I couldn’t find my oint—Oh” Kihyun stopped on his track, then proceed to walked towards them, as fast as his legs and the burning sensation between them could allow.

Hyunwoo just stared at him, expressionlessly. Kihyun didn’t realize he held his breath until he stopped and grabbed the ointment from Hyunwoo, rather harshly, and rushed back to his now bedroom. Leaving his spouse dumbfounded.

“is he hurt somewhere?” the younger between the two looked at Hyorin

“Uh? What?”

“I asked if he is hurt somewhere”

“Oh, I don’t know. He didn’t say anything about it.” Hyorin lied expertly

Hyunwoo became more suspicious, “are you sure? Because, he called you and said he couldn’t find his ointment”

Hyorin shrugged, “I was also surprised that he called me, honestly” then she decided to cut the conversation, “I need to cook some dinner. So I’ll go now’

\--^^--

“Where are you going?” Kihyun asked when he saw Hyunwoo grabbed his jacket. He put the plates down on the dining table before wiped his hands on the apron

Hyunwoo raised his eyebrow, “what is it? Going all out being a spouse on me?”

The younger sighed, “look, I’m trying to be civil. I just asked you so that if someone ask me, I know how to answer”

“no one need to know where I go”

“Hyunwoo-ssi, can we at least not fighting over small things?” Kihyun almost pleaded. _Almost._

“listen Kihyun, the only place you matter to me is when we are in the bedroom. Do not forget your place here, you are not more than a surrogate without those damn papers.” And with that, he left.

Kihyun stood there, still didn’t know how to react. Those words were bitter to his ears and chest. Anger built up inside him. Thoughts flying around his head. From the bad scenario about what will happen between them next and how he handle the degrades from the older, into the worst and almost impossible ones.

“Kihyun, let him be. Knowing him, he won’t be back early, so you better eat your dinner. I’ll go to my room” Hyorin patted his shoulder softly

“I’m not in the mood to eat.” He replied quietly and walked to his room forcing himself to sleep even if it’s still early.

\--^^--

It’s been almost three weeks, they avoided each other to prevent more fights. As the time went, Hyunwoo rarely went home and Hyorin found out that Kihyun couldn’t eat alone, so Hyorin ended up accompanying him, as they chatted.

Both parties’ parents sometimes call and asked how are they doing, Kihyun automatically would always answer, “we are fine, happier than before, even if Hyunwoo gets busier these days” before he changed the subject.

And today was supposed to be another day like usual, except someone banging on his door at 2.43 and when he opened it, he was pushed back harshly inside the room, as the person kicked the door closed.

Before he could registered what happened, he let out a surprised squeak as he tripped on something and fell to the bed, then the person spoke, “let’s make you leave faster” the breath reeks of alcohol, Kihyun squinted his eyes, the dim light helped him to recognize the face

“Hyunwoo, what are—wait!”

The older harshly took out his pajamas, “I’m going to fuck you” he stated, “and you promised me to accept what I’m doing. So keep your words.” He crashed his lips to the younger ones, biting it and licking the lips that usually tasted sweet but now tasted a little bit like cooper.

Tonight was like the reenactment of their first night, except with less resistance and more of swallowed sobs.

\--^^--

Kihyun jolted up and ran to the bathroom when he felt a wave of nausea hit him. Ignoring the fact that he was still sleepy, he kneeled beside the toilet bowl and began vomiting, nothing came out from his mouth, when it subsided, he sniffled as he got up and washed his mouth, he stood and looked at his reflection on the mirror. He got skinnier, his collarbone now more visible and the hollow part deepened. Dark eye bags contrasting against his pale complexion.

He walked back to the bed and laid down. But he realized something, his body got less hurt than the first time. At least he could sit and walk even if his lower back still sore. That’s a good thing. Finally, he could get divorced.

\--^^--

“Noona”

“yes?”

“are you going somewhere?”

“gonna buy some groceries, why?”

“can you.. uh.. can you buy me some pregnancy test sticks?”

“Are you pregnant?!” Hyorin looked at him excitedly

“I don’t know but I feel nauseated early in the morning, so, I just want to check”

“Oh my God! I hope you are! I’m so happy!” Kihyun just chuckled at the woman’s antics, “I’ll buy some and tell me the result, okay?!”

“Okay”

\--^^--

_Negative._

He felt his blood drained out from his body. He didn’t know what to do. _Pretending that he never take the test? Or telling Hyunwoo? What if the older throw some hurtful things again? Should he tell Hyorin first?_

After thousand thoughts, he settled with the first choice. He threw the pregnancy stick in the trash bin also the unused one before he went out from the bathroom.

Only to heard Hyorin said, “…he took the test. I hope it’s positive” to Hyunwoo. The sound of him opened the bathroom door caught their attention

Kihyun cursed under his breath, _why did he have to came home early? Why today?!_

“How was the test?” Hyunwoo asked directly

“it’s positive, isn’t it?”

“Noona, I’m sorry, I need to talk with Hyunwoo-ssi” Kihyun said quietly. Hyorin understood and she excused herself, leaving the couple alone

“it’s negative”

Hyunwoo scoffed, “how funny. The only reason you are here is to give me an heir and now you couldn’t even pregnant. So, what’s your purpose here?”

_It’s stressing him_

Knowing Kihyun wouldn’t reply, Hyunwoo continued, “nevermind. I’ll use you until you conceive. The faster the better.” He left him alone

Kihyun sat on one of the dinning chairs, he clenched his fists, _it shouldn’t be like this!_ _Why when people didn’t want a kid then God gives them one?!_

_How could he handle being raped over and over again? Being degraded and humiliated again?_

_Why life is so unfair to him?_

He cried just thinking about it.

_“so, what’s your purpose here?”_

Those words rang loudly in his head. “just when I think it’s a gift to me, it turns out to be a curse” he laughed through his tears. Laughing at his life and his fate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. So, this story will turns a little wilder that what i imagined before sooo i decided to add some tags later.  
> Better safe than sorry :3


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “my baby?!”  
> “it couldn’t make it”  
> “are you serious?”  
> “why? Am I that bad, that God didn’t even want me to have a baby?”

One year. They passed one year mark on their marriage. Kihyun hasn’t conceived even once and Hyunwoo being Hyunwoo, still forcing himself towards the younger.

Kihyun got to the point of being tired to even resist him, letting the older do anything without protesting, he was so tired. He felt lifeless. Even his appearance could show how much he hates his position right now.

He didn’t even react every time Hyunwoo degraded him. He felt like his heart going numb. Nothing could force his tears out again. He was being immune of all the bad things happened to him and it makes him sick.

He lost count on how many boxes of pregnancy test were thrown to the bin. As soon as he felt nausea hitting him, Hyorin would asked him to take the test, only to see a failure. He was scared to death to every time he should see the result on the stick, he was so disappointed on himself, and he didn’t even realize that Hyunwoo stopped being harsh to him.

Hyunwoo himself stopped treating Kihyun like he is worthless after he couldn’t find the younger in the middle of the night around the house, the day when he tried the pregnancy test for the nth time and saw the same result. Panicked, he went out, ignoring the chilly wind of late autumn hitting his skin. He found Kihyun sat on the bench at the nearby bus stop, head hung low, shoulders shook. Hyunwoo didn’t realize that he walked closer to his spouse until he could heard some strained hiccups from him. The younger looks so small in his oversized sweater and fragile in this state.

The younger didn’t even know the presence of someone else near him. Hyunwoo felt a strange urge to pull him closer but he shook the thought and turned his heels back to the house.

Since then, Hyunwoo stopped throwing mean words to him, knowing that he isn’t the only one tied in this unwanted relationship.

 _Unwanted relationship_.

His stomach flipped when he thought about that

\--^^--

“Congratulation, Mr. Son. You are expecting a baby”

It should made Hyunwoo happy like Kihyun was right now, but he ended up frowned. He didn’t want this.

_“Hyunwoo-ssi, I’ve made up my mind. After I give you an heir, we could get divorce”_

He _hated_ the baby.

“..but his pregnancy is really weak, so please refrain from falling down, because it would damage the baby”

_Fall down?_

The car ride home was silent. Kihyun unconsciously put his hand on his stomach. “Hyunwoo-ssi, now that I already expecting a baby, you could stop touch me.” he broke the thick walls of silence between them, “and I’ll work with the divorce papers after I pass the first trimester, when the miscarriage rates lower down”

Hyunwoo just hummed in response. _He didn’t like it at all and he wonders why_.

So one day, he decided to pick a fight with Kihyun once more, and pushed him harshly that the smaller man fell down and his back hit the cabinet, before he groaned in pain, clutching his middle, his breath ragged as his face scrunched.

Hyunwoo picked Kihyun up in bridal style as soon as he saw a red wet spot on Kihyun’s white jeans and drove him to the hospital. He was unsure why he helped the younger when he hate him, but it seems like his mind and body has their own thoughts.

_He didn’t even know why he picked up a fight in the first place_

\--^^--

Hyunwoo sat outside the emergency room, and stood up when the doctor came out from the room, “How is he?”

“are you his family?”

“I’m his husband” the word felt weird leaving his mouth

“Mr. Son’s pregnancy was really weak, and the damage on his body couldn’t prevent the miscarriage…” He knew he shouldn’t be happy, but he was. “..and it seems like he was really stressed. He is underweight and I wouldn’t suggest for him to get pregnant before his weight go back to the normal state”

“can I see him?”

“yes, you can. He should be wake up by now”

And he didn’t wait longer. He went inside, and in a second, he already stood beside Kihyun’s bed. The younger still sleeping because of the medicine.

It was the first time he looked at Kihyun and paid attention to the change of his appearance. His dark eyebags, protruded collarbones, hollow cheeks, really different than the first time he met Kihyun, with his round face.

Kihyun’s relaxed face suddenly twitched lightly, eyebrows furrowed as he opened his eyes slowly, adjusting with the almost blinded light in the hospital room.

 “where—“

“hospital. You are in the hospital” Hyunwoo replied, making the younger turned his head to him and blinked for a second before he sat up quickly and placed his hand on his stomach

“my baby?!”

“it couldn’t make it”

The devastated look on the younger face made Hyunwoo regretted everything he said. “are you serious?” the voice was small, barely audible. The oldest of the two only nodded.

Kihyun couldn’t hold the disappointment, anger and sadness inside him. He broke into tears. “why? Am I that bad, that God didn’t even want me to have a baby?” he rested his head on his hands and Hyunwoo felt that familiar urge to pull him close.

\--^^--

Two days after that, Hyunwoo answered a call from Hyorin, telling him that Kihyun was in the hospital and Hyunwoo found himself rushed from his workplace faster than anything.

When he got into the hospital, he found Hyorin inside the room, bit her nails in worry.

“what happened?” he prompted

“I found him fainted in the bathroom near the kitchen and an empty bottle on his hand”

_He tried to kill himself._

It took him almost two hours waiting for Kihyun to wake up. Hyorin went out to buy some food for Hyunwoo.

Kihyun sat up slowly on the bed, staring at Hyunwoo who currently peeling an apple, “are you feeling better?” the oldest asked

Kihyun didn’t respond to the question, instead he called him, “Hyunwoo-ssi”

The oldest looked up, only to find that his eyes didn’t have the glint anymore like they used to, Kihyun’s face full of blankness, eyes staring at Hyunwoo’s hand, before his own hand grabbed Hyunwoo’s right hand which held a knife closer to his body.

Hyunwoo wanted to pull his hand back when the tip of the knife touched Kihyun’s stomach, but the younger gripped it tightly, “say, after you broke me badly, don’t you want to get rid of me?”

_No!_

“you know, it’s hard for me to conceive again after the miscarriage, and we couldn’t divorce if I haven’t give you an heir, so could you do me a favor?”

“Kihyun, I—“

“could you help me end my life? It’s only two of us. It should be easier, since you already hate me so much” Kihyun continued

“I never hate—“

“but you hate me ever since I became your spouse” Kihyun pulled the knife closer, “please” _he pleaded. He pleaded to be killed._

Hyunwoo snatched the knife with his other hand after he threw the half-peeled apple, didn’t even care if he grabbed the knife tightly on the sharpest part before he put the knife back to the plate on the table beside him

“Kihyun, listen to me. First of all, I’m deeply sorry for all I did back then. Second of all, I never hate you enough to kill you.”

“Hyunwoo-ssi. You don’t have to lie”

“Listen to me, I hated you. Yes, because I didn’t like the fact that I got married with someone that I never met, but after that I know, I’m not the only one suffered. You suffered. A lot.” And that’s the first time they made a really long eye contact, “then I realized that if we met under another circumstances, I might have like you”

“but we didn’t—”

“can we… start over? Let’s forget all about the divorce and conceive things. Just a fresh start between us”

“why?”

“Please give me a chance. One last chance. Let me fix it. If I failed, you could leave me and I won’t bother you anymore.”

“it’s not something that could be easily forgiven”

“I’m aware of it. Even if it takes forever, I’ll try.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick update..  
> i'm sorry it's so anti-climax... :')


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “He is too good for me”  
> “then, make yourself presentable in front of him! Not running away!”  
> “I made him lost the baby. I would never be presentable to him”  
> “and who are you to decide if you are?! He lost the baby, he is the one to decide if you could be forgiven or not! You left him without explanation!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY IT'S SO SHORT!  
> FORGIVE ME T.T

It’s been almost three months after the incident happened, Kihyun got better even if he was still too skinny, too tired to be called ‘fine’. Hyunwoo kept his words, he assist Kihyun everywhere he goes, making breakfast for him with help of Hyorin.

He finally know that Kihyun couldn’t eat alone. So, everyday, he’ll pick Kihyun up from home to have lunch with him somewhere. He even burnt his finger when making toast for breakfast, but as long as the younger eat, it’s worth it.

Kihyun slowly gained weight, and he started to smile more. The way Kihyun smiled because of him, made his heart swell in happiness. He vowed to make it last forever.

It was another day in their routines, they were walking to the newest ice cream parlor next to the restaurant they had lunch when someone bumped into Kihyun who caught the small figure in reflex, the toddler looked up, eyes shaped into crescent as he grinned widely.

“hey, there. Are you okay?” Kihyun asked him, smiling softly. The kid nodded, “okay!” he answered

“are you alone? Where is your mom?”

“there” he pointed to the bench near the lamp post, “eomma busy”

“is that so? What is your name?”

“Minhyuk! Me Minhyuk!”

“now, Minhyukkie, why don’t you go to your mom, she’ll worry if you are not there”

“she sad?” Kihyun pulled out a really believable face to the kid, while Hyunwoo stood beside him, eyeing the interaction between the two, stood stiffly. He didn’t dare to touch the kid, he looks so small, he was scared that if he touch him, he’ll break the kid.

He observed the way Kihyun’s eyes glinted in excitement when he met kids, the younger really wants to have his own,

 _And he killed his baby_.

Was the decision right? Should he tried till Kihyun forgive him? Or let him go? He is a killer, Kihyun should be with someone who’s better than him

His thought were cut by a tug on his suit, “why are you spacing out?” the younger asked, concerned.

“no, nothing.”

\--^^--

Just as Kihyun thought their relationship was getting better, Hyunwoo started to avoid him again. No one know the reason.

One night when Kihyun wanted to grab a glass of water, he found Hyunwoo fell asleep on the sofa, still wearing his suit. He looked so tired, so the younger went back to the bedroom only to grab a blanket and covered the older.

Hyunwoo acted like how he did before, went home late. They didn’t even talk much besides greeting. Kihyun tried to ignore the fact.

Until a file was placed before his eyes, “please sign it” Hyunwoo spoke. The younger raised his eyebrows as he opened the file

“divorce?”

Hyunwoo looked down, clearly avoided Kihyun’s eyes, “yes”

“why?” no answer, “why?! If the ending would be like this. Why would you tried your hardest to fix everything?!” Kihyun was furious

“I’m not good enough”

“and you said you’ll do it even if it takes forever!”

“I’ll never be good enough for you, Kihyun!”

“you really like toying me, don’t you?” at this point, he failed to hold the warm wetness from his eyes

“I’m not toying you”

“Don’t say that when you give me this bullshit!” Kihyun threw the file to the older, “I’m trying to fix myself, I also try to make our relationship better, but I guess it wouldn’t work when i’m the only one trying”

“let’s cool ourselves and we’ll talk about this again” he ended the heated argument and grabbed his key

“so you give up?”

“I’m sorry” he left right before Kihyun slumped down on the floor, sobbing violently. Hyorin rushed from her room and already beside the younger in a second. She didn’t say anything, just pulling the younger closer as she knew how much he needed support.

“I’m not worth the try, am i?” he choked out

\--^^--

A loud slap could be hard through the hall.

“You are not a human, Hyunwoo! We didn’t raise you to be like this!”

“you didn’t even raise me as a gay and here I am” he talked back, even though he felt uneasiness around him

“this has nothing to do with your sexual preference!” Mr. Son cut him still furious, “You are not only humiliated us but also hurting another person. It’s the same as humiliating his family!”

“I—”

“you hurt that boy. What he did to you that makes you think it’s okay to act like this?!”

 _Come to think of it, Kihyun never do anything wrong_. _It was always him._ “nothing.”

“then why—!”

“I’m not suitable for him!” he snapped then rested his head on his hand, “He is too good for me”

“then, make yourself presentable in front of him! Not running away!”

“I made him lost the baby. I would never be presentable to him”

“and who are you to decide if you are?! He lost the baby, he is the one to decide if you could be forgiven or not! You left him without explanation!”

_That’s right._

Realizing his mistake, he almost slapped himself. Mr. Son softened at his son’s state. “go back to your home.”

“he might not there”

“then, wait! All this time, he waited for you. Why wouldn’t you do the same?”

\--^^--

When he got home, he was greeted by unimpressed look from Hyorin. Even if she didn’t say anything, the glare from her was enough to make him more nervous.

“if you want to slap me, I’m okay with it.”

“I have nothing to do with you, besides I’m sure Kihyun will slap you multiple times”

“where is he?”

“bedroom” Hyunwoo walked to the said room, just as he wanted to twist the doorknob, Hyorin spoke again, “should I beg you to stop making him cry?”

Hyunwoo looked at the doorknob, “no. I’ll let him do that to me this time” and Hyunwoo doesn’t cry. Even when his grandmother died or when Kihyun pleaded to be killed.

No, he didn’t cry.

He went into the room, closing the door as quiet as possible and found the younger sat on the side of the bed, back facing him.

“Kihyun. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t. The last time you said that, we ended up like this” his voice was hoarse, he didn’t have that soft voice he usually possess

“I fucked up. Really bad. I broke you. I was arrogant. I was scared of everything. I’m a coward.” He began, “I tried to make you hate me, because I think it would be easier for us, but then, I dragged you into a never ending mess with me. I almost lost my mind when Hyorin noona called me and tell me if you are in hospital and I blurted out that I would fix anything because I know it’s not only hard for me but for you too.”

Kihyun still had his back faced Hyunwoo, “I lost my baby”

“I did that to you. I…I killed our baby” it made his stomach flipped. “I killed it for a stupid reason, then I thought—“

“what’s the reason?”

“it’s stupid.”

Kihyun turned his back, now facing him. “We need to talk about it, even if it’s the dumbest thing, so that there wouldn’t be any bigger misunderstanding”

“I still thought that if you got pregnant, you’ll leave me” Hyunwoo wanted to beat himself, “I couldn’t afford that”

Kihyun wanted to scream, yell, shout and hit him, “you—“

“I know, Kihyun. It left a scar in me too. I’m scared to even touch the kids. I don’t want to hurt them, like I did to our baby.”

Then he continued, “Now, if you want to leave, I’m okay. I deserve it. If you don’t trust me, it’s okay, I don’t trust myself either after what happened all this time. Curse me, hit me, do whatever you want, I’ll accept anything” he kneeled in front of the bed, closing his eyes, ready to accept anything from the younger

But, nothing happened.

He waited a bit longer, and he felt a pair of hands cupped his face and before he could process what happened, a pair of familiar yet different plump lips met his own slightly chapped one. It’s not that kind of slow and passionate loving kiss, it was only a peck, closed mouth but lasted long.

After what felt like forever, Kihyun pulled back, “people might call me crazy after what already happened, but I’m already stupidly falling for you”

Hyunwoo promptly stood up, “it shouldn’t be like this. You shouldn’t forgive me easily. I was always the reason you cry, mad and upset. Why don’t you do the same? Aren’t you scared I’ll do it again? You should torture me the way I—”

“Hyunwoo, stop.” The elder obeyed, “if you really regretted everything, you would prove that you will change into someone better, and I trust you”

_Hyunwoo cried._

Forget everything he said about he never cried.

_He did._

And Kihyun is the reason of his tears.

“I will be the best husband you ever wished for”

Kihyun’s mouth curved into a light smile, “easy, we have a lot of time ahead of us.”

“Can I.. Can I kiss you?”

“sure”

And this one was a new feeling and sensation. This one full of affection. Almost two year into their marriage, finally they have the real loving kiss, not the harsh and powerful one. But the slow and steady one, they didn’t compete for dominance, just appreciating the presence of each other.

They seemed drawn to the feeling to the point where they only pulled back when they already out of breath, both stayed like that, the room was silent, only filled with soft pants.

“move your things to the main bedroom” Hyunwoo broke the silence first

Kihyun looked at him through his swollen eyes, “only if you get rid of the divorce paper”

“I’ll burn it for you”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry T.T  
> I tried my best to write it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Calm down”  
> “I’m calm”  
> “..in a really uncalm way”

\--^^--

Hyunwoo changed into a whole another person in a second, as easy as flipping a coin. They moved Kihyun’s stuff to the main bedroom in the evening. Arranging the closet, made some room for the younger’s clothes. Helping him to put his toiletries beside his.

They slept together. Kihyun was on the right side, while the older was on the left one. Kihyun couldn’t sleep if the lights turned off, and Hyunwoo couldn’t sleep when the lights still on, so the next day, Hyunwoo installed a fairy lights on the headboard and Kihyun gave him a peck on his cheek for the considerate act.

Kihyun still cautious on the first three months. He was scared Hyunwoo would turn into a cold-hearted figure he knew back then. He watched his own act, being really careful on everything he did. When the third month mark passed, he stopped being cautious. In fact, letting his usual habits and his usual self out.

To say Hyunwoo was shocked is an understatement. He didn’t even know if this is the same Kihyun he married. The Kihyun he knew before was calm, collected, always act like a mature man and he never found a single cute thing about him, but this Kihyun, is a ball of rage and fluff.

The way he nags whenever Hyunwoo forget to put his shoes on the rack, the desperate groan when he accidentally put too much salt in the sauce, the way he complained about how overcooked the chicken he made, even though Hyunwoo couldn’t taste anything weird in the food and think everything is delicious. The ‘salty’ Kihyun, as Hyorin said.

Sometimes the nags were unbearable, Hyunwoo could feel he almost lost his patience, but a light tap from Hyorin on his shoulder and ‘remember the day Kihyun tolerated all of your mess’ always succeed to calm him down.

And not only the ‘salty’ side of him, Hyunwoo also found that Kihyun’s laugh is contagious, and almost everything he does, looks cute. The way he curled up on bed on a chilly night. The way his eyes light up and shines when Hyunwoo bought a large container of vanilla and chocolate ice cream for him. The way he blushed when Hyunwoo blurted out ‘you are really cute’ unconsciously. The way he smiled to the kids at the park. The way he jutted his bottom lip when he concentrates on something.

Maybe, just maybe, Hyunwoo was blind before. How could he torture the pure soul. He tried his best to dress himself up, so he could be presentable standing beside Kihyun.

Nearing 6 months’ mark after Hyunwoo promised he would be better, the usual bolster placed between them wasn’t there anymore, the usual sleep routine changed slowly into night cuddles.

Hyunwoo still reluctant to initiate the touch, asking if it’s okay or not, if he’s hurting him or not, if it’s make the other feels comfortable or not, and Kihyun would kiss him and said, “you worry too much”

\--^^--

“Okay, what’s with the sudden dinner outside?”

“I just want to? I mean you cook three meals a day, everyday—yes, I know Hyorin noona also help but.. uh..”

“yes?”

“uh.. I want to be honest but it supposed to be a surprise, so—” Kihyun laughed seeing Hyunwoo uneasiness

“alright. Let’s have dinner outside today” the older’s face light up

“I’ll pick you up at 7, please dress up nicely” he landed a quick peck on the other’s forehead before grabing the car key and headed to office

“he asked you on a date?”

Kihyun stopped staring at the closed door, and turned his head before giving a shy smile, “I think so”

\--^^--

“do I look good? Is my hair okay?”

“wow, wow.. wait.. Kihyun take a deep breath” Hyorin instructed, “you look great. Stop worrying”

“okay” he exhaled, “okay” he mumbled as he kept fidgeting on the sofa

“Calm down”

“I’m calm”

“..in a really uncalm way”

Then he heard a car stopped in front of the house, “Oh god! Noona! My makeup still good?”

“Jesus, Kihyun! All great, okay?!”

“Alright.”

The door creaked open. “you ready, Kihyu—Oh” Hyunwoo stopped and stared at his spouse.

‘Yep. I was blind back then.’ He confirmed

Hyunwoo looked normal, he was wearing the usual suit he wore to the office, it looked good on him, perfecting the build on his body, while Kihyun was totally different. Hyunwoo found so many things new about him by just looking at him right now.

“wow.” Hyunwoo stunned, seems like his brain stopped working

Kihyun has a foxy-like eyes, and the black sharp liner enhanced the sexy glint he has. His skin glowing under the warm light of their living room. Collarbones peeked slightly behind the shirt he wore and the contrast of his skin tone with the dark color of his shirt complimenting his figure.

“uh, um.. are you okay?” the voice brought him back to reality, “it’s uh.. should I change?”

“No!” Hyunwoo slapped himself mentally when he realized that he replied to fast, “I mean, you look good, why change?”

“uh.. b-because you stared too long? I thought I look funny”

 “you look sexy—ah! Sorry, that was too straight-forward of me”

Kihyun lowered his gaze, he could feel his face getting hotter, “uh, no it’s okay, you also look good”

“you know what guys..” Hyorin stood near the living room, “you guys are going to be late if you keep being shy and blushing towards each other” she said, hands on her hips.

Hyunwoo checked his watch, “right, shall we go?” the younger just nodded

\--^^--

They fell into a comfortable silence, the soft clattering sound of silverware and plates decorating the night along with a classical instrumental music played at the restaurant and some people talking and chuckling on the other tables.

“Hyunwoo” Kihyun had dropped the formalities since almost a month, but Hyunwoo still not used to it. He still not used to how good his name sounded when a soft voice said it. _He should stop thinking about that_.

“yes?”

“thanks for taking me here” he smiled and cast his eyes down to the plate when the older looked at him

Hyunwoo was a bit surprised, “I should be the one who thank you” Kihyun tilted his head slightly, not understanding the meaning. “you put up with my shit. I treated you less than a human being, yet you forgive me. You even encourage me to change” then he stood up

“uh, what are you doing? Are we done?” Kihyun put the napkin to the table and he almost stood up if Hyunwoo didn’t stop him and subtly ask him to sit down

Kihyun realized that the music suddenly changed, Hyunwoo took something out from his pocket and kneeled in front fo him. He wasn’t dumb, he know what this pose meant. His eyes widened, body froze, for some reason he felt grateful that he sat down, if not, probably he already slumped down on the floor. _Embarrassing._

“no, you didn’t” he squeaked out, too shocked

Hyunwoo opened the velvet box, “I’m afraid, I did” Kihyun covered his mouth with his fist, “I know I’m never good with my words, I’m not even good with my expression. I want to thank you for everything, for putting up with my shit, I’m not a perfect husband you wished for, not even a good husband to begin with, I’ve said this for so many times but it will never be enough. You shaped me into a better pieces, you complete me. When I lash out, you endure. We might not have the best beginning, but I hope I could give you the best ending. Son Kihyun, I love you unconditionally like you accept me at my worst. Please let me be the shoulder that your head need when you felt down, and the thumb that would wipe the tears away from your cheeks”

Kihyun was positive that he is crying. He cupped the older’s face and kissed him, he didn’t even care how many people were staring at them right now. Hyunwoo pulled away, “let me finish my words before I forget” he quickly added, Kihyun let out a chuckle as he wipe his tears from his face.

“Will you stay by my side, even if I fucked up again? Will you accept me after you know all my flaws? Will you stand by my side and let me make it up to you? Will you love me and spend the rest of your life with me?”

The younger smiled through his tears, “till death do us apart”

The older smiled, he took out the ring, put the box on the table and grabbed Kihyun’s right hand “I will place it here, because I don’t want to take out the one I placed back when our wedding day” he explained as he slid the ring into Kihyun’s finger, “let the first one be the reminder of the bumpy road we took before we reach our happy ending”

All the flashbacks of them fighting, him being suicidal and the miscarriage were played in his head in rush, causing him to broke into an ugly sobs and a lot of hiccups for trying to hold it. “I.. I don’t know.. what to say”

Then a loud of cheering could be heard behind him, Hyunwoo wiped his tears with his thumbs, “Happy 3rd year anniversary, Son Kihyun. I love you.”

Kihyun realized three things.

First, he forgot the date of their anniversary.

Second, Hyunwoo _finally_ loves him.

Third, he never knew that Hyunwoo family name has a nice ring when placed in front of his name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, i want to apologize because of not publishing anything :')  
> I was sick because of college, no pun intended. (in one week, i could only sleep on two days and only for like 3 hours max and it happened every week since more 6 months ago,)
> 
> Second, i still want to apologize if this disappoint you guys for being so short and jumpy :')
> 
> Last, I'm going to focus on Minhyuk's story and publish another two-shots fic about Hyungwon's story :3

**Author's Note:**

> i know it's badly written and all but i tried my best :')
> 
> Sorry for grammatical error and typos, english is not my first language  
> Comments and kudos are lovely~ <3  
> (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧


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